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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25073251">Shadows of the Night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nokochaoli/pseuds/nokochaoli'>nokochaoli</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU where Zack is alive? Maybe?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Intimacy, Fluff and Angst, Graphic depictions of violence - Freeform, Grounding techniques, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Not Beta Read, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Vulnerability, We Die Like Men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:53:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25073251</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nokochaoli/pseuds/nokochaoli</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zack insists there’s a routine to this. Some sort of recognizable pattern. But if there’s a rhythm to it, Cloud must be deaf. All he can do is watch helplessly, waiting for some sort of visual cue to signal the ebb and flow.</p><p>It’s frustrating and difficult and always leaves him a step or two behind.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Zack Fair/Cloud Strife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Slice of Clack: July 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Shadows of the Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for Slice of Clack Week 1 2020. For me, intimacy = vulnerability. So I took the idea and ran with it. Title is from Pay Benatar's "Shadows of the Night."</p><p>I took advice from my friend and just decided to post without combing over it too much. Hope yall enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zack insists there’s a routine to this. Some sort of recognizable pattern. But if there’s a rhythm to it, Cloud must be deaf. All he can do is watch helplessly, waiting for some sort of visual cue to signal the ebb and flow.</p><p>It’s frustrating and difficult and always leaves him a step or two behind.</p>
<hr/><p>“Going to the Mideel area?” Zack leans over the map spread out over Cloud’s desk.</p><p>Cloud continues wrapping the book carefully in an extra shirt, not bothering to look up. “Yeah. Some kid needs the herbs for medicine or something.”</p><p>“Huh.” Zack pushes up from the desk, heels dragging on the ground as he surveys what Cloud’s laid out to pack. “But why the whole plant?” He reaches out, fingertips softly tugging at a leaf.</p><p>Cloud pauses, focusing on packing. When he speaks, it comes out a notch quieter than he’d intended. “It’s a chronic condition.”</p><p>“Oh. So it’d be easier to have around I guess.”</p><p>He hums in agreement.</p><p>“But doesn’t this guy hate direct light? Thought I remember Aerith saying something like that. Bit drier climate.”</p><p>Cloud freezes, one hand still holding his bag open while the other clutches the small first aid kit. He thinks back at how hard it’d been for him to uncover that information. He’d even had to ask Reeve to help him find the book he’s taking with him. There’s something about the gap between his and Zack’s knowledge that twists ugly in his chest. “’s why I’m taking a few. Along with the dried herbs. In case it doesn’t take.”</p><p>There’s a small stretch of silence. Then he hears Zack shift, arms stretching high above his head. “Let me go with you.”</p><p>“What? No.” Cloud starts, eyes finally breaking away from packing. “Why?”</p><p>Zack shrugs, meeting Cloud’s gaze with an easy lopsided smile. “Haven’t been to Mideel.”</p><p>“<em>That’s</em> a damn lie.” With a roll of his eyes, he goes back to packing.</p><p>“Recently.”</p><p>“It’s not that interesting.”</p><p>Zack nudges Cloud’s leg with the toe of his boot. “Take me with you.”</p><p>“Won’t be enough room on Fenrir with the plants.”</p><p>“Now who’s the damn liar?”</p><p>Cloud shoots Zack a sour scowl.</p><p>“Gotta cross the ocean to get to Mideel.” Zack shrugs, dropping down on the floor next to Cloud. “Overheard you talking to Cid. Come on, I got nothing else lined up.”</p><p>Cloud dodges Zack’s gaze, focusing on packing the dried herbs carefully instead. “Then go find something.”</p><p>“Already did. I’ll be your bodyguard.”</p><p>The small ugly thing twisting in his chest suddenly flares up, ripping the breath from his throat. He stares at the bag he’s packing without actually seeing it. The second he gets his breath back, he’s snapping at Zack. “Stop being ridiculous. It’s not a game.”</p><p>He stops short, seeing the look in Zack’s eyes. It’s warm and soft and all kinds of uncomfortable. Cloud feels Zack’s hand on his own, thumb pressing into his pulse point. “Take me with you?”</p><p>It’s a dance, and Cloud can’t hear the rhythm for the life of him. “Fine.”</p>
<hr/><p>“These… these are live plants.” Her hands twitch, like she can’t tell if she should accept such a thing.</p><p>“Yeah. Dried ones are here.” Cloud reaches into his bag, pulling out the pouch.</p><p>Her eyes haven’t left the tall stems of the plants. “They’re <em>alive</em>…”</p><p>Cloud’s mouth runs dry. He feels his vision start to tunnel. “… used to know someone. Had all kinds of plants like this.” His voice sounds distant to his own ears.</p><p>“There’s so <em>many</em>…”</p><p>“Look. I know next to nothing about taking care of plants. So I can’t tell you how to keep them from dying. But-“ He reaches into his bag, pulling out the book that’s wrapped in his extra shirt. He unwraps it, careful of the old and yellowed pages. “There is this.”</p><p>She finally reaches for the book. “This… this is…” Her fingers gently glide through the brittle pages. Suddenly, she stops short, brown eyes wide and voice trembling. “What if I’m not good enough? What if they don’t take?”</p><p>Cloud’s feels his veins turning to ice. He’s aware he’s just staring back into the mother’s wide eyes, but he can’t seem to make himself respond.</p><p>Zack picks up the conversation without hesitation. “If they don’t take, write. We’ll bring more.”</p><p>“You have no idea how much this means to me.”</p><p>Cloud focuses on the way the strap of his bag feels under his tight grip for the rest of the conversation.</p>
<hr/><p>“You ok?” Zack’s voice is quiet compared to the machinery of the Highwind.</p><p>Cloud stares at a particular bolt that holds the railing down. The way the light catches the hexagonal shape. He considers.</p><p>“Hey,” Zack presses, nudging his shoulder with his own.</p><p>Cloud pulls his eyes away from the bolt, glancing briefly up at Zack. “… more or less.”</p><p>Zack leans against the railing, pausing like he’s evaluating something. Then he’s bursting radiant into laughter. “Man, I can’t get over you gettin’ over your motion sickness.”</p><p>Cloud gives him a good, hard shove.</p>
<hr/><p>When they go to bed, it takes Cloud over a good two hours to get his mind to shut off enough to fall asleep.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Cloud is the embodiment of nausea. It’s different from the burning sensation of a stomach virus. Or the disorienting heady feeling of motion sickness. Or the acrid taste of medicine disagreeing with his stomach. It’s the bright, luminescent sea foam glow that creeps through his veins, crawling along his nerves until he can feel ice pricking down each and every one of his toes. When he breathes, it feels shallow, like it’s not really reaching his lungs, instead travelling down to his gut. His gut which has turned to liquid.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just staring at the sea foam glow lighting the room increases his nausea tenfold. He closes his eyes to try and shut it out. But it’s already seeped into his core.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He thinks he hears Zack’s voice. Well, not really. The sound doesn’t seem to penetrate the thick mako glow that surrounds him. But he can feel the vibrations resonate within his salivary glands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Cloud, can you hear me?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s wrong. Something about it is off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t worry about it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But it’s not right. It resonates too brightly, reverberates too fast. Like a higher pitch. Much too high for Zack’s voice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh… Then why don’t you really worry about it?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He opens his eyes, squinting against the bright sea foam light glowing through the trees. It penetrates his skull. A whimper pushes up his throat, bubbling past his lips. He has to close his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And let me handle Sephiroth.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, that’s not right. Since when was he in a forest?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Cloud?” This voice resonates a bit lower, the timbre warmer yet more mellow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This time, when he opens his eyes, he sees the red angry scar that branches across her chest. It clings to the shape of her sternum. It spreads out and down, outlining the shape of her very organs. Skin as thin as she had been close to death.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“… You came. You kept your promise…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Had it always been like that? No, it can’t be right.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her scar oozes black onto her clothes. He smells the putrid odor of infection.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s alright… Cloud.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He reels, feeling the world shift beneath him, out from under him. The view above him dissolves, glowing green shifting all too quickly to wooden dark browns. The lines of the wall drag across his vision, delayed as he looks in search of the voice.</p><p>“Hey.” The sound reaches him this time, unmistakably Zack’s voice. “Sorry for waking you. Sounded like you were having a nightmare.” Cloud can hear the shape of his smile in his voice.</p><p>He sits up, heavy eyelids blinking as an uncomfortable chill crawls up the nape of his neck. He blinks a few more times, trying to get the vivid images out of his mind. But he can’t seem to shake the hanging sense of dread.</p><p>“You ok?” Zack shifts slightly, angling his head to try and make eye contact. “You look a bit pale.”</p><p>Cloud spares him a glance, but he can’t manage more than that. The red scar, black pus, mako tank, Ancient Forest, Aerith’s words, Tifa’s voice – they all come flashing to the forefront of his mind.</p><p>He takes a shaky breath, his diaphragm trembling. “I- I can’t-“ His breath hitches in his throat, hot tears cutting trails down his face.</p><p>Zack’s warm palm rubs his back in large sweeping circles. “It’s ok. You’re ok.”</p><p>Cloud tries so hard and fails so completely to get his breathing under control. “I- Th-they- I didn’t- I-I’m not-“</p><p>“Yeah, ok. No.” Zack takes Cloud’s hand. The mattress shifts as he stands from the bed. He tugs. “C’mon.”</p><p>Cloud shakes his head vehemently. He opens his mouth, tries to get the words out. But he can’t seem to get them past his throat.</p><p>Zack gives Cloud’s fingers a gentle squeeze. “I know, babe. Something hit a sore spot. I know. But whatever it is, right now it’s like a piece of shrapnel.” He puts his other hand, palm flat, right over Cloud’s heart. “So we gotta just… get it out. Stop it from cuttin’ you up, yeah?”</p><p>Cloud gasps for breath, nodding as Zack tugs him up from the bed. He trails Zack’s lead to the other side of the room, follows suit when he takes a seat on the floor.</p><p>“Alright. Let’s take a deep breath, yeah?” Zack breathes deep, as if to demonstrate. “Tell me five things you see.”</p><p>Cloud’s attempt to breathe is cut up by his shaky diaphragm. “Th-the floor.”</p><p>“Uh-huh.” A pause. “What else?”</p><p>“The w-wall.” The next breath he takes shudders in his ribcage. “Map’s on the wall, too.”</p><p>“That’s three. Two more.”</p><p>Cloud hesitates. “You.”</p><p>Zack’s face lights up instantly. His thumb runs over Cloud’s hand. “Hey, there, babe.”</p><p>“And y-your shirt.” Cloud sniffs loudly. “’s ridiculous.”</p><p>“Rude,” Zack says with a laugh. “Now four things. What can you touch?”</p><p>“My shirt.” Cloud pulls at the fabric with his thumb and forefinger.</p><p>“Which I assume is <em>not</em> ridiculous.”</p><p>“Course it’s not. I have taste.” He’s already breathing easier now. “The floor. It’s cool.”</p><p>“I’d say it’s cold.”</p><p>“Says the guy from Gongaga.”</p><p>“Like you can talk, Nibelheim.” Zack swings their hands between them. “What else?”</p><p>“The air. It’s dense. Like it’s going to rain.” Cloud ignores the way Zack seems to deflate. “And-“</p><p>Zack hums in question, expectantly.</p><p>“Your hand.” Cloud gives it a soft squeeze, and Zack responds in kind. “It’s warm.”</p><p>“Hell yeah.” He chuckles softly, swinging their hands again. “What’s three things you hear, babe?”</p><p>“Your voice.” Cloud doesn’t hesitate with this answer. “It resonates here.” He pats his chest.</p><p>“Wow, does it?”</p><p>Cloud gives Zack an admonishing look, moving on before he can acknowledge the heat that rises in his cheeks. “My voice.”</p><p>“Y’know, babe. Your voice is nice too.”</p><p>Cloud looks away, Zack’s gaze suddenly feeling too intense. He searches around for something else. It takes him a while before he hears it. “And… I think maybe rain.”</p><p>Zack laughs softly. “Yeah. Been raining for a while now.”</p><p>“Has it?”</p><p>Zack nods.</p><p>“Huh.” He hadn’t realized how out of it he’d been.</p><p>“Two things you smell,” Zack cuts in, bringing Cloud’s attention back to the task at hand.</p><p>“Well, I guess now I can smell the rain.”</p><p>“Yeah. Love that smell.”</p><p>“And the room.”</p><p>“The <em>room</em>?” Zack shoots him a confused look. “What’s the <em>room</em> smell like?”</p><p>Cloud feels his cheeks flare with heat, and he just knows how much he must be blushing now. He frowns down at the floor between them. “… smells like you.”</p><p>“Oh.” Zack’s thumb runs across the back of Cloud’s hand. The air feels thick between them. “Hey. Got one for the last one.”</p><p>Cloud looks up. Sees Zack leaning in. No matter how many times, his heart always skips a beat. The feel their lips together makes a part of him melt.</p><p>When he leans back, he asks, “Taste that?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively.</p><p>Cloud can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips as he presses a palm to Zack’s face and gives him a good shove. “You’re horrible.”</p><p>“But you love me anyway.”</p><p>“Uh-huh.”</p><p>“Right?”</p><p>“Whatever.”</p><p>“No. Not whatever. You can’t whatever that.”</p><p>It’s a dance. This delicate, intricate movement between them. But Zack seems to hear the music and know the steps. And without him, Cloud would be utterly lost. “… thank you.”</p>
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